Catharsis.

So, another long gap has formed in my blog posts. At least this time I have a valid excuse. I've had another crash.

I've been working up to this crash since last year, as I've been burning the candle at both ends and haven't taken enough time to rest and recover. If I were my own client, I'd be cross with me. So now I am on rest detail, and have been for several weeks now. I took a pitstop in my rest to go on holiday, but it turned out that even holiday was too much for me. So now I'm back on the sofa.

I've never been great at resting. It bores and frustrates me. I don't have the mindset for a chronic illness, and that is one of the biggest hurdles I face in my day to day life. So now I am on the hunt for cathartic activities. Blogging was supposed to achieve this, and it probably would if I could remember to do it from time to time. I've also started writing a book. Well, a couple of books really. But I used to write all the time, and I can't help thinking that being able to get the words out of my like I used to would really help. So once again, I turn to my blog for cathartic outlet.

I need to be less afraid to share what and who I am with those of you who are interested enough to read my blog. Sometimes I am worried that if I admit to the other facets of me, those of you who see me purely as a professional will suddenly think that perhaps you shouldn't be seeing me at all. But an important part of my rehabilitation process is to stop being the social chameleon, stop hiding parts of myself from other people, and just relax and not worry about what people think. No man is an island, and if I'm honest I am totally land-locked. I'm a faddy person, who likes to dabble in everything.

And you know what? I like me. So from now on, I invite you all to like me too. Not just the me who likes holistic therapy and bunnies, but the me who likes to dress up as a fairy and run round the Welsh countryside, the me who has a shameful addiction to Take Me Out, and the me who really loves the novels of Janet Evanovich.

And then, when you've decided whether you like me or not, why not decide whether you're ready to let other people like you, the whole you, and nothing but the real you.

Day 10.

Well, Day 10 has arrived and I am now into double figures. It's been an emotional rollercoaster this far, and the next couple of days look set to be even more rocky. Especially if I don't stop having dreams about eating forbidden foods by accident.

I've been a bit down over the last few days. One of the effects of the Cura Romana diet is to purge the system of artificial stimulants, such as sugar and chocolate (I should know better, I know), which had been keeping my heart rate high. As all of the toxicity and stimulation is slowly leaving my body my resting heart rate has dropped from 73bpm to a much more healthy 56bpm. The effect of this is that I feel a bit down. But as my detoxing phase is slowing (and with it the scarily fast weightloss), my body should be starting to adjust to the new regime. No chocolate. Check. Lower heart rate. Check. Normal level of toxins. Getting there.

During this period of low mood, I've been rather handful. I've had to lean on my husband quite hard for emotional support, as well as being absolutely useless due to working through my fatigue deficit. Even the rabbit has wanted very little to do with me. He came up for a good old sniff at one point, but I later realised that was because I'd been chopping celery and was smelling a bit like lunch to him. I had wondered why he get going up my sleeve. He's warming to me again a little now, but I think he's still suspicious of the changes that are taking place inside my body.

I'm still feeling quite low, but now the miserable phase seems to be interspersed with periods of actually feeling quite chipper and positive. This is a relief. One thing that has really helped me has been to make a Bliss List. I sat quietly for a while and made a list of all of the things that make me feel completely blissed out. Not a little bit happy, like the feeling I get when I realise there is a new episode of House on the Sky+ box, but properly blissed out. Now that I've identified a few, I need to do one every day.

Some of the items on my Bliss List are easy to incorporate into a daily routine, such as finishing an assignment in whatever course I am studying at the moment, or getting so engrossed in a book I sit down and read for the whole evening because I can't bear to go to bed without knowing how it ends. Some of them are less easy. For example, I would be hard pushed to take an hour out of my life to sit in the sun (or just out of the sun) in lightweight clothing with a good book today. At least, not without turning blue and feeling thoroughly unblissed.

Looking down my list I see that the word 'Christmas' appears repeatedly. It's a little bit early to go looking at trees, or walk around a shopping centre with their decorations up, so I've decided to have a little bliss moment by playing some of my favourite Christmas tunes while I write my blog. I'm not going to name any - that would be far too shameful - but the whole ensemble is making me want to cry with happiness.

And that's how I know I've reached my bliss.