Catharsis.

So, another long gap has formed in my blog posts. At least this time I have a valid excuse. I've had another crash.

I've been working up to this crash since last year, as I've been burning the candle at both ends and haven't taken enough time to rest and recover. If I were my own client, I'd be cross with me. So now I am on rest detail, and have been for several weeks now. I took a pitstop in my rest to go on holiday, but it turned out that even holiday was too much for me. So now I'm back on the sofa.

I've never been great at resting. It bores and frustrates me. I don't have the mindset for a chronic illness, and that is one of the biggest hurdles I face in my day to day life. So now I am on the hunt for cathartic activities. Blogging was supposed to achieve this, and it probably would if I could remember to do it from time to time. I've also started writing a book. Well, a couple of books really. But I used to write all the time, and I can't help thinking that being able to get the words out of my like I used to would really help. So once again, I turn to my blog for cathartic outlet.

I need to be less afraid to share what and who I am with those of you who are interested enough to read my blog. Sometimes I am worried that if I admit to the other facets of me, those of you who see me purely as a professional will suddenly think that perhaps you shouldn't be seeing me at all. But an important part of my rehabilitation process is to stop being the social chameleon, stop hiding parts of myself from other people, and just relax and not worry about what people think. No man is an island, and if I'm honest I am totally land-locked. I'm a faddy person, who likes to dabble in everything.

And you know what? I like me. So from now on, I invite you all to like me too. Not just the me who likes holistic therapy and bunnies, but the me who likes to dress up as a fairy and run round the Welsh countryside, the me who has a shameful addiction to Take Me Out, and the me who really loves the novels of Janet Evanovich.

And then, when you've decided whether you like me or not, why not decide whether you're ready to let other people like you, the whole you, and nothing but the real you.

Day 18.

I'm now onto the third week of hCG + Food Plan, and it seems to be going quite well. I've lost 17lbs so far, which is very enviable. For a while Merlin the rabbit stopped talking to me, but he's back on side now. We think he probably just smelled the detox taking place in my system and didn't want anything to do with it. I contemplated doing an extra 3 weeks for a while, but I've decided not to as I can afford it and I'm rather looking forward to eating something other than chicken, steak, tuna or omelette. There are many other options on the list, but given how I have responded badly to some of these in the past I've decided to stick to the proteins that I know and trust. I've stopped detoxing and craving, I'm barely feeling hungry at all, and I'm starting to feel a bit less tired. I don't think I'm going to get the complete health revolution that I was hoping for within the next week, but any weight lost is to be praised, I do feel like I'm on better terms with my body, and I can go back onto hCG + Food Plan without the mentoring once I have completed Consolidation.

I've learnt an awful lot from Leslie over the last two weeks, and I can't help thinking that I've got a lot more to learn over the next 7 weeks. I've got a lot to learn from my body too. I suspect I know what it's going to tell me, and the future of squidgy chip shop chips does not look good for me. But the rule with Cura Romana is not to create a list of rules for what thou may and may not eat, but rather to make you more aware of the impact each food has on your system. If I know that chips make me bloat, for example, I can choose to indulge occasionally knowing that the result will be a bloat. Or I can choose to eat something lighter, and pinch one or two of my husband's chips to get a taste.

I'm still struggling to rest as much as I should be. It doesn't help that this week seems to have a busy schedule in store for me, following on from a busy weekend. I just seem to be incapable of taking time to chill out and relax and, interestingly, that is starting to really annoy me now. I just want to put all of my commitments on hold so that I can spend an hour lying on the sofa listening to plinky plonky music. Or maybe head over to the "spa" at Larkfield Leisure Centre to have a dip in the jacuzzi and a quick sauna. Hmm, that sounds nice. I've never really been annoyed by not being able to take time to relax before, just tired. It does explain how I've managed to wind up with a fatigue deficit quite as large as I have!

It probably doesn't help that I've signed up to NaNoWriMo, or National Novel Writing Month. It's a challenge that requires participants to write a novel (or at least 50,000 words thereof) over the course of November. It's going to be tricky, and will probably be keeping me very busy, but it will be something different, interesting and potentially rather cathartic to do. It also keeps my stuck on the sofa behind my laptop, which is a good place to get some rest. So now, as well as keeping you posted on the progress of my weight loss, I will be keeping you posted on the progress of my novel. It sounds like a fun month.

But at least I'm not trying to take part in Movember.