Gone.

So, it appears that I haven't blogged since May. I've also fallen off of Twitter for a while. You may well ask where I have gone.

The truth of the matter is that I've retreated back into my illness. Not intentionally, of course, it just kind of happened. We have many theories as to why I have disappeared of late, ranging from weather to holidays (or lack of) to just plain overdoing it, but none of them are conclusive. I've just been... ill. Even if you've seen me in person, you will probably have still thought that I've disappeared. There's nothing like a few months of mental vacancy.

I've taken a period off in an attempt to do everything I can to get myself feeling better. I'm trying all sorts of new techniques, so I should have some good reviews once they start to take effect. In the meantime, blog posts and tweets will continue to be intermittent. Bear with me - normal service will be resumed as soon as normal health is!

Day 18.

I'm now onto the third week of hCG + Food Plan, and it seems to be going quite well. I've lost 17lbs so far, which is very enviable. For a while Merlin the rabbit stopped talking to me, but he's back on side now. We think he probably just smelled the detox taking place in my system and didn't want anything to do with it. I contemplated doing an extra 3 weeks for a while, but I've decided not to as I can afford it and I'm rather looking forward to eating something other than chicken, steak, tuna or omelette. There are many other options on the list, but given how I have responded badly to some of these in the past I've decided to stick to the proteins that I know and trust. I've stopped detoxing and craving, I'm barely feeling hungry at all, and I'm starting to feel a bit less tired. I don't think I'm going to get the complete health revolution that I was hoping for within the next week, but any weight lost is to be praised, I do feel like I'm on better terms with my body, and I can go back onto hCG + Food Plan without the mentoring once I have completed Consolidation.

I've learnt an awful lot from Leslie over the last two weeks, and I can't help thinking that I've got a lot more to learn over the next 7 weeks. I've got a lot to learn from my body too. I suspect I know what it's going to tell me, and the future of squidgy chip shop chips does not look good for me. But the rule with Cura Romana is not to create a list of rules for what thou may and may not eat, but rather to make you more aware of the impact each food has on your system. If I know that chips make me bloat, for example, I can choose to indulge occasionally knowing that the result will be a bloat. Or I can choose to eat something lighter, and pinch one or two of my husband's chips to get a taste.

I'm still struggling to rest as much as I should be. It doesn't help that this week seems to have a busy schedule in store for me, following on from a busy weekend. I just seem to be incapable of taking time to chill out and relax and, interestingly, that is starting to really annoy me now. I just want to put all of my commitments on hold so that I can spend an hour lying on the sofa listening to plinky plonky music. Or maybe head over to the "spa" at Larkfield Leisure Centre to have a dip in the jacuzzi and a quick sauna. Hmm, that sounds nice. I've never really been annoyed by not being able to take time to relax before, just tired. It does explain how I've managed to wind up with a fatigue deficit quite as large as I have!

It probably doesn't help that I've signed up to NaNoWriMo, or National Novel Writing Month. It's a challenge that requires participants to write a novel (or at least 50,000 words thereof) over the course of November. It's going to be tricky, and will probably be keeping me very busy, but it will be something different, interesting and potentially rather cathartic to do. It also keeps my stuck on the sofa behind my laptop, which is a good place to get some rest. So now, as well as keeping you posted on the progress of my weight loss, I will be keeping you posted on the progress of my novel. It sounds like a fun month.

But at least I'm not trying to take part in Movember.

Day 3.

Well, I am now onto day 3 of my Cura Romana journey. I stuffed myself full of fatty foods for 2 days and am now 2 pounds lighter. That's not quite how it's supposed to work, but I'm pleased nonetheless. Now I'm onto day 3, and the real programme starts. 500 calories a day. Eek.

As I am living on the fat that is being released from my body's stores, I don't need to worry. I'm a little hungry now, but it will pass in the next few days. Besides, it's almost lunch time and I haven't eaten yet, which is unusual for someone who loves breakfast more than any other meal. I'm not feeling woozy or light-headed, which I usually would if I went this far into the day without eating. I am very tired, but given how tired I was before that is not a huge surprise either. On the plus side though, I did sleep uncommonly well last night.

Now that I feel like I am on the programme proper I'm kind of excited. I'm getting ready to make the changes that I have been so desperate to make. I am hitting the reboot button that I've been looking for for so long. I can cope with passing up on my favourite meal of the day for 3 weeks if it means that I can get back in touch with my body, sleep well and wake up feeling rested. And if I can shift a few pounds in the process, so much the better.

Day 1.

My last post was about getting excited to start a weight loss programme called Cura Romana. After plenty of shopping to gather all of the supplies that can help me through the process, I finally pushed the start button yesterday. This meant that today is the day. I have now officially started.

It's quite a scary step. After all, part of the process involves a very low calorie diet and strict guidelines as to how those calories are made up. I've always belittled VLCDs such as LighterLife, as I think they are dangerous, and now I find myself not just starting on one but actually looking forward to it. Of course, there is something that makes this version safe, and that is the homoeopathic equivalent of hCG. Yes, that would be the pregnancy hormone.

Those who follow my blog because they are or know chronic pain and fatigue sufferers may have heard of the pregnancy remission. Basically, when the human body is pregnant, it is like a reboot button has been pressed. Chronic pain and fatigue seem to ebb away, and sufferers tend to get a new lease of life during pregnancy that lasts after childbirth. The hormone that causes this energetic reboot is called hCG, and Cura Romana came about when a scientist discovered that injecting hCG into non-pregnant subjects (including men) triggered the same reboot. Once the homoeopathic was discovered, the programme became viable to the greater public rather than just those who could afford to go to expensive clinics to have the injections regularly administered.

Basically, hCG causes fat to be released from storage. When you're not pregnant, this means that with a little protein, vitamin and mineral support you can actually live on the fat that is being released without feeling hungry. This is how Cura Romana works. Okay, there's actually a little more to it than that, but that's the basics.

So this morning I woke up and too my homoeopathic in spray form under my tongue. I usually start my day with a big swig of water, but I had to wait 15 minutes before I could put anything else in my mouth. This was uncomfortable. My mouth and throat felt dry and scratchy. I distracted myself by doing my morning weigh in. I don't now whether it's appropriate to share this with you or not, but in the interest of being completely open I weighed in at 19 stone 13lbs. That's 279lbs. More than Homer Simpson. Let's see where it is by the time I'm done with Cura Romana.

Day 1 of Cura Romana is called a Feast Day. As it takes a couple of days for the homoeopathic to become effective in the body, for the first two days you eat plenty of high quality, rich and fatty foods. This results in a slight weight gain over the first couple of days, but as the food isn't really stored but is quickly released by the homoeopathic it is usually gone within 48 hours of starting the Food Plan. By doing Feast Days, your body is functioning with all of the necessary fats, as well as being a psychologically pleasing start to a "diet".

This meant that breakfast today was sausages, bacon and naan bread. This is officially the best diet ever!

I did have to complement the tasty breakfast with some interesting digestive support though. I usually use a Polo to mask the foul taste of my medication. As all mints are completely no-go, I've now got two mint plants sitting on my windowsill. Whenever I feel myself reaching for a mint (and those of you who know me will know how often that happens) I now pick half a leaf of mint and chomp away. It tastes cleaner and fresher, and is more satisfying as I get to chomp away on it. I don't know why I didn't make the switch years ago.

I then had a bizarre concoction of 3g of vitamin C (yes, I know it's more than the body can absorb, but it's a funny old protocol and the rules are strict) mixed with 250ml of water and a rounded teaspoon of psyllium husks. When I was told psyllium husks were insoluble fibre, I wasn't expecting them to be as insoluble as they were. I tipped my spoonful into the water and watched it bob across the surface in an almost perfect spoonful shape. Even the hand blender seemed to have difficulty getting them to socialise with the water in any way. Still, down it all went, with a slightly lemony taste from the vitamin C that was not wholly unpleasant.

I then moved onto the laxative tea. Knowing how medicinal herbal teas usually taste, this was the part I was least looking forward to. But, again, it went down quickly and easily, and rather nice. Perhaps a little sweet for my tastes, but certainly better than I was expecting and not something I will dread for the rest of the protocol.

The other task I have for the morning of Day 1 is to think about what I want to achieve on the protocol. I have 3 goals, and they are all rather simple.

Goal 1: I want to lose weight. I want to shift about 9stone, and hopefully Cura Romana will help me to kickstart that. I'm not expecting to be a shapely 11stone by the end of the nine-week programme, but I want to be in a position to see myself realistically getting there without having to struggle and cry and starve myself to death on something like LighterLife.

Goal 2: I want to be rid of my aches, pains and fatigues. It sounds like a big ask, but if any protocol has the power to do it, Cura Romana does. Let's think big.

Goal 3: I want to reunite myself with my body. For a long time now I think I was so absent in my own head that my body just carried on doing the best it could without me. I'm looking forward to being able to connect with my body, and let it know that I want to help it, I want to exercise it, and I want to look after it. After all, it's been looking after me for a long time now.

I feel like I've achieved a good amount for a Saturday morning before lunch. Now I need to go and make sure I've got plenty of tasty food in to last me for the rest of the weekend.

Welcome.

For those of you who don't know me, my name is Sally, and I am a part-time holistic therapist from Kent. I got into holistic therapy when I was at University, as I found myself slowly becoming sicker and sicker and my GP was unable to do anything more to help me. I am still ill, but I can cope day to day without pain medication and am on the long hard road to recovery.

The purpose of this blog is to share some of my experiences as a chronic pain and fatigue sufferer. I started to make the transition into recovery when I found a support network and realised that I was not going through this alone. Now, whenever I have a bizarre thing happen to me I ask around the "FMily" and someone will almost immediately say "oh, yeah, I get that all the time". I cannot understate how important it is to link in with other sufferers.

I'm also not ashamed to admit that there is an element of catharsis involved. The little grey cells don't function quite like they used to, and I find that having a regular ramble can really help to focus my thoughts and help me make sense of what I'm going through.

So, in short, welcome to my blog. I hope you enjoy what you read. I hope it makes you realise you are not alone.

Sally xx