Day 1.

My last post was about getting excited to start a weight loss programme called Cura Romana. After plenty of shopping to gather all of the supplies that can help me through the process, I finally pushed the start button yesterday. This meant that today is the day. I have now officially started.

It's quite a scary step. After all, part of the process involves a very low calorie diet and strict guidelines as to how those calories are made up. I've always belittled VLCDs such as LighterLife, as I think they are dangerous, and now I find myself not just starting on one but actually looking forward to it. Of course, there is something that makes this version safe, and that is the homoeopathic equivalent of hCG. Yes, that would be the pregnancy hormone.

Those who follow my blog because they are or know chronic pain and fatigue sufferers may have heard of the pregnancy remission. Basically, when the human body is pregnant, it is like a reboot button has been pressed. Chronic pain and fatigue seem to ebb away, and sufferers tend to get a new lease of life during pregnancy that lasts after childbirth. The hormone that causes this energetic reboot is called hCG, and Cura Romana came about when a scientist discovered that injecting hCG into non-pregnant subjects (including men) triggered the same reboot. Once the homoeopathic was discovered, the programme became viable to the greater public rather than just those who could afford to go to expensive clinics to have the injections regularly administered.

Basically, hCG causes fat to be released from storage. When you're not pregnant, this means that with a little protein, vitamin and mineral support you can actually live on the fat that is being released without feeling hungry. This is how Cura Romana works. Okay, there's actually a little more to it than that, but that's the basics.

So this morning I woke up and too my homoeopathic in spray form under my tongue. I usually start my day with a big swig of water, but I had to wait 15 minutes before I could put anything else in my mouth. This was uncomfortable. My mouth and throat felt dry and scratchy. I distracted myself by doing my morning weigh in. I don't now whether it's appropriate to share this with you or not, but in the interest of being completely open I weighed in at 19 stone 13lbs. That's 279lbs. More than Homer Simpson. Let's see where it is by the time I'm done with Cura Romana.

Day 1 of Cura Romana is called a Feast Day. As it takes a couple of days for the homoeopathic to become effective in the body, for the first two days you eat plenty of high quality, rich and fatty foods. This results in a slight weight gain over the first couple of days, but as the food isn't really stored but is quickly released by the homoeopathic it is usually gone within 48 hours of starting the Food Plan. By doing Feast Days, your body is functioning with all of the necessary fats, as well as being a psychologically pleasing start to a "diet".

This meant that breakfast today was sausages, bacon and naan bread. This is officially the best diet ever!

I did have to complement the tasty breakfast with some interesting digestive support though. I usually use a Polo to mask the foul taste of my medication. As all mints are completely no-go, I've now got two mint plants sitting on my windowsill. Whenever I feel myself reaching for a mint (and those of you who know me will know how often that happens) I now pick half a leaf of mint and chomp away. It tastes cleaner and fresher, and is more satisfying as I get to chomp away on it. I don't know why I didn't make the switch years ago.

I then had a bizarre concoction of 3g of vitamin C (yes, I know it's more than the body can absorb, but it's a funny old protocol and the rules are strict) mixed with 250ml of water and a rounded teaspoon of psyllium husks. When I was told psyllium husks were insoluble fibre, I wasn't expecting them to be as insoluble as they were. I tipped my spoonful into the water and watched it bob across the surface in an almost perfect spoonful shape. Even the hand blender seemed to have difficulty getting them to socialise with the water in any way. Still, down it all went, with a slightly lemony taste from the vitamin C that was not wholly unpleasant.

I then moved onto the laxative tea. Knowing how medicinal herbal teas usually taste, this was the part I was least looking forward to. But, again, it went down quickly and easily, and rather nice. Perhaps a little sweet for my tastes, but certainly better than I was expecting and not something I will dread for the rest of the protocol.

The other task I have for the morning of Day 1 is to think about what I want to achieve on the protocol. I have 3 goals, and they are all rather simple.

Goal 1: I want to lose weight. I want to shift about 9stone, and hopefully Cura Romana will help me to kickstart that. I'm not expecting to be a shapely 11stone by the end of the nine-week programme, but I want to be in a position to see myself realistically getting there without having to struggle and cry and starve myself to death on something like LighterLife.

Goal 2: I want to be rid of my aches, pains and fatigues. It sounds like a big ask, but if any protocol has the power to do it, Cura Romana does. Let's think big.

Goal 3: I want to reunite myself with my body. For a long time now I think I was so absent in my own head that my body just carried on doing the best it could without me. I'm looking forward to being able to connect with my body, and let it know that I want to help it, I want to exercise it, and I want to look after it. After all, it's been looking after me for a long time now.

I feel like I've achieved a good amount for a Saturday morning before lunch. Now I need to go and make sure I've got plenty of tasty food in to last me for the rest of the weekend.

Escape.

By now, many of you have realised that I refuse to just sit back and let me condition rule my life. I prefer to carry on doing the things I love, even if it has to be a slightly toned down version. Since becoming ill, I have discovered a hobby that, although physically demanding, allows me to escape the world of pain and exhaustion. I like to live role-play.

For anyone not familiar with this concept, I dress up in fantasy costume, sometimes I paint my face, I pick up a foam and latex weapon and charge off into battle. Admittedly, the only time I ever use a weapon is to parry blows, but I still have a great time. For those who are not inflicted with chronic pain, it is a brutal, highly physical hobby. For those of us who are, it is somewhat softer. I tend to prefer playing a healer, so I float along behind a party, watch them spring into action and then appear with either a roll of bandages or a nifty incantation that will fix any broken limbs and allow the fighters to continue keeping me safe.

Most systems seem to allow for players to avoid combat in one way or another. I now play with two different groups, who do this differently. One group give me a white sash which renders me immune from combat - incredibly useful for a healer - and the other tells me to run away as fast as I can. At the latter I have been hit twice, and it can be incredibly painful, but given how long I have been playing being hit twice is reassuringly low. When I compare it to how many times I've cracked heads with another backstroker, accidentally stuck needles into my fingers (or legs, or arms, or belly...) or fallen over trying to get from one room to another, I do find LRP a surprisingly painless hobby.

The other thing that LRP offers that other hobbies don't is the opportunity to escape. If you look at videos such as the one below, you will see how immersive the experience is, and what an amazing opportunity it offers to escape the routine of daily life. LRPers will tell you time and time again that you can be whoever you want to be, and whatever you want to be, and when I devise my characters I choose not to be ill, and not to be in constant pain. It's not foolproof, but the difference in pain levels catches me by surprise every time I play. And this is why LRP changed my life.

Any of you who have known me for a while will know that earlier this year I experienced a change. The pain changed for me, and I am now much happier in myself. Some of this was due to a change in medication. Some of it was due to a change in mindset. I realised that when I am Ezra, or Thalia, or Jessalyn, or Ruby I manage my pain in a completely different manner. It is still there, I just choose to feel it in different ways. Each of my characters deals with their pain in a different way, and this made me realise that as Sally I can choose the method of coping that works best for me. And if I work really hard, in time, I will be able to escape it altogether.

Now I'm not saying that LRP is a magical cure and that every chronic pain sufferer should throw themselves whole-heartedly into playing. I have simply found that this is the way of escaping that works for me. What I do think every chronic pain sufferer should do if they want to get better is to find the hobby, the mindset, the activity or whatever else it is that gives them a way to escape. It is hard work being in constant pain, and we all deserve a way out.

Welcome.

For those of you who don't know me, my name is Sally, and I am a part-time holistic therapist from Kent. I got into holistic therapy when I was at University, as I found myself slowly becoming sicker and sicker and my GP was unable to do anything more to help me. I am still ill, but I can cope day to day without pain medication and am on the long hard road to recovery.

The purpose of this blog is to share some of my experiences as a chronic pain and fatigue sufferer. I started to make the transition into recovery when I found a support network and realised that I was not going through this alone. Now, whenever I have a bizarre thing happen to me I ask around the "FMily" and someone will almost immediately say "oh, yeah, I get that all the time". I cannot understate how important it is to link in with other sufferers.

I'm also not ashamed to admit that there is an element of catharsis involved. The little grey cells don't function quite like they used to, and I find that having a regular ramble can really help to focus my thoughts and help me make sense of what I'm going through.

So, in short, welcome to my blog. I hope you enjoy what you read. I hope it makes you realise you are not alone.

Sally xx