Advantages.

Lots of people ask me how long I have been fibromyalgic. It might sound like a simple question, but it's actually surprisingly difficult to answer. Looking back, I see that I have had it all my life. When I was a child, if I fell over and twisted my ankle it would hurt like I'd broken it. Not just the hyperbole of a small child; it really was agonising. I also remember walking back from school - about a mile - would have all my limbs aching painfully. And standing for the duration of Remembrance Day service would cause my feet, legs and back to sear with pain. But when you're a child and full of energy, you don't realise that the pain you are experiencing is not what everyone else is feeling.

When I was 18, I worked as a travel rep in Switzerland. I had a scooter accident, which was very nearly fatal. For some unknown reason, I bounced. I survived with bumps, bruises, cuts, grazes and a really sluggish feel that I just couldn't seem to shake. I also sustained some brain damage, which resulted in dyslexia - a crisis for an avid reader and writer - but not much else so far as I can tell.

Graced with my new-found sluggishness and dyslexia, I carried on with the plan I had for my life. I took a gap year. I did some amazing things. I only nearly died one more time (asthma vs walk-in fridge). I went to University, and was loving studying and doing well for myself. Then I went home for Christmas, my Dad and brother caught a stomach bug, and as an emitophobic I gave myself a panic attack fearing that I too would be inhabited by the bug. That was it. I crashed, and didn't ever return to normality.

In the early years, I found that I would get a summer time remission that would leave me almost back to normal over the warmest months, and crashing each winter. But each summer the remissions would offer less improvement, and the winters became harder and harder.

So there are many answers to the question "how long have you been fibromyalgic?", and you can take your pick as to which one you like best. In hindsight, I think I always have been, and it has simply been a steady descent since childhood. Things have become harder, slower and more painful as the years have passed. And despite only being 28 years old, I feel like many, many years have passed. Fibromyalgia is a cruel mistress, and it can be exceptionally hard on even the strongest-willed amongst us.

However, I was reminded this morning of the fact that fibromyalgia does have some advantages, and you have to learn to take them when you can.

When I was about 12, I remember lying on the sofa during my little brother's birthday party. At that age, presumably 4 or 5, he would have been too young to understand anything other than the fact that I was "ill" with a "tummy ache". In reality I had yet another period so painful I could barely stand.

By the time I was about 14 or 15, these had gotten to the stage where I wasn't able to sit, stand, or lie down without excruciating pain. Looking back, I think this was due to the hypersensitivity to pain that is one of the main characteristics of my condition. But the fact of the matter was that I was still young and had no idea how to cope with that kind of pain. I remember lying on my bed one day, after what felt like hours of agony, and my Mum calling the Doctor for help. I wound up taking as much mefenamic acid as is allowable, combined with paracetamol. This combination seemed to cause memory loss for me, and each month I would "lose" 36 hours while I was doped up to the eyeballs. I was eventually moved over to the contraceptive pill to ease the pain.

For years I combined the contraceptive pill with paracetamol, supported with the occasional dose of mefenamic acid when the pain became too bad. Around the age of 20 I was diagnosed as allergic to dairy produce (that's what caused the asthma attack that nearly killed me), and had to be taken off of the pill due to its lactose content. I was given the jab (and later the implant) to stop my periods altogether. It was bliss.

For those of you who know me now, you will have noticed that I have some weight issues. Given that they started around the time I switched to the jab, I decided to come off of hormone-based contraception altogether about 18 months ago. I was not looking forward to my periods coming back, as I had been told that I should expect the pain levels to be similar to what they were before I started taking the pill - at least until I had a baby. And, I guess, they are. It's just hard to tell.

Yes, I still have that ache across my abdomen. Yes, I still have the shooting pains. Yes, I still have the queasiness, the weakness, the disorientation, the painful boobs and all of the other rubbish that goes with periods. But I don't really care any more. Fibromyalgia is so painful that the once crippling period pains now seem very minor. But because it is constant rather than once a month, I have been able to get used to it.

So yes, for all of the horror that comes with the chronic pain, I try to look for the small advantages. And one is that my pain threshold has gone through the roof. When everything hurts, all day, every day, you DO get used to it. Not enough to be able to ignore it, but enough to be able to cope with some of the facts of life a little better.

And I like to take my wins wherever I can. No matter how small they may be.