Something for nothing.

So by now we all know that I am a Brownie leader, and very enthusiastic about it.

My Brownies, together with the local Guides, are holding a pamper afternoon for Mums, girls and assorted hangers-on (well, it's not exactly an invitation-only event) to raise money for new heating in the Church who very kindly let us use their hall for a pittance each week. I've been trying to find local therapists who are willing to come along for an afternoon to help out. They don't pay anything to be there, but all they make on their mini-treatments will be going towards helping out the Church heating fund. They can sell vouchers, take bookings, and get some free advertising in exchange for 3 hours of their time for a good cause. Sounds like a good deal to me.

But sadly very few therapists are coming forward to help out. It seems that people are not willing to do something to help a local charity unless they get something in exchange. It doesn't matter that they have an audience to whom they can sell their vouchers and make future bookings - they just don't seem to want to perform their mini-treatments for the monetary benefit of anyone other than themselves.

This makes me very sad.

I got into holistic therapy because I wanted to help other people, and the money side of it followed on behind. I offer free consultations and am always happy to take part in charity fundraising ventures, especially if I get to advertise too! Based on the experiences I had as a therapist down in East Sussex, I assumed that this was the normal attitude of holistic therapists, but I am finding more and more that I seem to be alone in my altruistic motives in this part of the world.

I've started approaching people directly, rather than asking groups generally, and I am hoping that some of these people will step forward and renew my faith in therapists. Surely there has to be a desire to give and help underneath the desire to become a therapist? Or perhaps we don't see advertising through Pamper Fairs as tangible because we don't receive a printed copy or see it on our computer screen? I can see no better way of advertising than by associating yourself with a good cause and talking to people face-to-face. But maybe that's just me.

Maybe we're just taking some simple principles too far. Reiki actually requires some form of payment, either in terms of money or by offering something in fair exchange. It is known as the Reiki Exchange. When Usui, the father of Reiki, first discovered that he could heal other people with this amazing energy tool, he rushed straight out into the streets, and started healing beggars of whatever caused them to be homeless. The beggars were leaping up, and rushing back into the world, completely renewed. After a week, however, Usui found that they were returning to their old ways. Without offering something in fair exchange, they felt like they were not receiving anything of value and were unable to maintain the healthful, positive way that their bodies were now functioning. Usui realised that because Reiki is intangible, people find it hard to accept unless they feel like they are offering something in fair exchange. After all, nobody will ever give something for nothing, right?

Massage.

I recently went for a massage. It was lovely. But I completely unnerved the masseuse when I tried to explain fibromyalgia to her.

"So," she said. "You have pain... all over your body?"

I explained that yes I do, and I'll let her know if she finds a spot that needs to be avoided, or tell her if the pressure is too deep for my liking. Being quite well versed in different types of pain and the way that massage works, I don't find it a particularly scary prospect. Unfortunately, that's not usually the case for the poor girl on the giving side.

This got me thinking about chronic pain sufferers and massage. If you're not really familiar with different types of massage, it must be quite worrying presenting your back to someone who doesn't know your condition inside and out, and inviting them to apply pressure and potentially cause some severe pain. That's why I've made a list of some of my top tips for choosing a good massage if you suffer from chronic pain.

1. Choose your 'type' of massage carefully.
Do not opt for a sports massage unless you know what is coming. They hurt.
A Swedish massage is the safest bet - any massage that simply calls itself 'a massage' will almost definitely be Swedish. They use long strokes and are designed to relax rather than work out every last knot and kink.

2. Tell your therapist exactly what you need from you massage.
Be completely open about your pain, and remember to warn your therapist about any spots that are particularly tender. They might use particularly light strokes over that area to avoid aggravating the pain, or they might even have some gentle techniques that can help that area to relax slightly.

3. Feel free to communicate what you want during your treatment.
If you find that the massage is too rough for you, ask for a lighter pressure, or slower movements. If you feel like it's good but one area needs more work, say so. The more feedback you can give your therapist throughout the treatment, the more they can tailor their touch to create better results for you.

4. If you are worried, start with something different.
If you really fancy going for a massage but dislike being touched or are concerned about whether the experience might cause a flare, try starting with something like reflexology. Reflexology involves massaging the feet, so feels wonderfully relaxing without approaching the more common tender spots. This gives you an opportunity to experience the level of touch involved without having to remove more than your shoes and socks, and without having to risk the pain of a full body massage.

5. If you're still unsure, try something more specific.
You can get a very nice, comfortable, thorough massage from a physiotherapist or osteopath, who will be more familiar with chronic pain conditions, and may even be able to help relieve some of the deeper knots that massage simply can't reach. You can also look for massage therapists who specialise in chronic pain, as they will be able to give you the gentle and relaxing experience without the fear of irritating the condition.

Five boys love me and I'm a princess.

I'm quite excited today. Tired and rough as I've been feeling, not only do I get to go to Brownies this afternoon, but I get to dress up for the occasion. It's like being 8 all over again.

I should explain. I volunteer as a Brownie Guider, so attending Brownies is a weekly occurrence for me. In fact, I'm not looking forward to the summer holidays for the simple fact that I don't get to go to Brownies for over a month. It really is one of the highlights of my week. This term we've been working on the Culture interest badge, and so tonight we are having "Book Night". Everyone is coming along dressed as their favourite book character, and we'll have a quick chat about our favourite books before we dissolve into games and general mayhem. I'm going to be the Wife of Bath. I just have to play down the whole sex-mad side of the character.

The thing I really enjoy about my time at Brownies is that I get to unleash my inner child for a while. For an hour and a half every week the only other adult in the room is Brown Owl, who is there for exactly the same reason I am. Although I have to keep order, there is nobody there who will judge me or think me odd when I sing loudly and badly, when I join in the silly games with the girls, or when I live so completely in the moment that everything stressful in my life just ceases to exist. A couple of weeks ago I pretended to be a mountain goat while singing a song that contains the words "when we are married we'll have sausages for tea". Where can you do that in the real world?

This is the magic of children. They always live completely in the moment. This is why so many weeks I go home brimming with confidence and proudly announce my quote of the day to Robin. One of my favourite examples came from last term, when one small girl was telling us about how popular she is at school and her role in the school play in one sentence. That's right: "five boys love me and I'm a princess". This is a phrase that has almost become a mantra for me; whenever I feel sad, lonely or stressed I just remember that five boys love me and I'm a princess, and everything seems right with the world again.

Crash.

I've had a really relaxing weekend. It was my first wedding anniversary, so my husband and I made use of a voucher we were given for Christmas to go away for a night to a spa hotel. After some busy weeks, I really felt like I needed a nice relaxing break.

My husband, Robin, and I had a nice lie in on Friday morning, had a lazy morning and took off for the hotel. We had massages, soaked in the jacuzzi and therapy pools, and settled down for an early night in our fluffy dressing gowns. Saturday wasn't much more taxing, as we got up to a delicious cooked breakfast before coming home to sit on the sofa and continue the relaxation for the rest of the day.

After all of this de-stressing I found myself sleeping like a baby. I always sleep rather well for a fibromyalgic, but it usually takes an hour or two for me to flake out. The last couple of nights have been fantastic. Out like a light for a good night of comfy sleep. I'm not waking refreshed, but hey, that would be a miracle!

On the downside of this, though, I feel like I'm barely waking up at all. I have spent the last couple of days with that horrible achy feeling around my eyes, peering through fibrofog as thick as my Mum's home-made celery soup. I don't understand; if I am this well-rested, why do I feel like I'm dancing along the edge of a crash? Surely I should be starting to feel like superwoman?

Alas, this is the way of things. It doesn't seem to matter which way I tip the balance of energy, it always results in my being wiped out. Just another quirk of my silly illness I guess!

Welcome.

For those of you who don't know me, my name is Sally, and I am a part-time holistic therapist from Kent. I got into holistic therapy when I was at University, as I found myself slowly becoming sicker and sicker and my GP was unable to do anything more to help me. I am still ill, but I can cope day to day without pain medication and am on the long hard road to recovery.

The purpose of this blog is to share some of my experiences as a chronic pain and fatigue sufferer. I started to make the transition into recovery when I found a support network and realised that I was not going through this alone. Now, whenever I have a bizarre thing happen to me I ask around the "FMily" and someone will almost immediately say "oh, yeah, I get that all the time". I cannot understate how important it is to link in with other sufferers.

I'm also not ashamed to admit that there is an element of catharsis involved. The little grey cells don't function quite like they used to, and I find that having a regular ramble can really help to focus my thoughts and help me make sense of what I'm going through.

So, in short, welcome to my blog. I hope you enjoy what you read. I hope it makes you realise you are not alone.

Sally xx