Advantages.

Lots of people ask me how long I have been fibromyalgic. It might sound like a simple question, but it's actually surprisingly difficult to answer. Looking back, I see that I have had it all my life. When I was a child, if I fell over and twisted my ankle it would hurt like I'd broken it. Not just the hyperbole of a small child; it really was agonising. I also remember walking back from school - about a mile - would have all my limbs aching painfully. And standing for the duration of Remembrance Day service would cause my feet, legs and back to sear with pain. But when you're a child and full of energy, you don't realise that the pain you are experiencing is not what everyone else is feeling.

When I was 18, I worked as a travel rep in Switzerland. I had a scooter accident, which was very nearly fatal. For some unknown reason, I bounced. I survived with bumps, bruises, cuts, grazes and a really sluggish feel that I just couldn't seem to shake. I also sustained some brain damage, which resulted in dyslexia - a crisis for an avid reader and writer - but not much else so far as I can tell.

Graced with my new-found sluggishness and dyslexia, I carried on with the plan I had for my life. I took a gap year. I did some amazing things. I only nearly died one more time (asthma vs walk-in fridge). I went to University, and was loving studying and doing well for myself. Then I went home for Christmas, my Dad and brother caught a stomach bug, and as an emitophobic I gave myself a panic attack fearing that I too would be inhabited by the bug. That was it. I crashed, and didn't ever return to normality.

In the early years, I found that I would get a summer time remission that would leave me almost back to normal over the warmest months, and crashing each winter. But each summer the remissions would offer less improvement, and the winters became harder and harder.

So there are many answers to the question "how long have you been fibromyalgic?", and you can take your pick as to which one you like best. In hindsight, I think I always have been, and it has simply been a steady descent since childhood. Things have become harder, slower and more painful as the years have passed. And despite only being 28 years old, I feel like many, many years have passed. Fibromyalgia is a cruel mistress, and it can be exceptionally hard on even the strongest-willed amongst us.

However, I was reminded this morning of the fact that fibromyalgia does have some advantages, and you have to learn to take them when you can.

When I was about 12, I remember lying on the sofa during my little brother's birthday party. At that age, presumably 4 or 5, he would have been too young to understand anything other than the fact that I was "ill" with a "tummy ache". In reality I had yet another period so painful I could barely stand.

By the time I was about 14 or 15, these had gotten to the stage where I wasn't able to sit, stand, or lie down without excruciating pain. Looking back, I think this was due to the hypersensitivity to pain that is one of the main characteristics of my condition. But the fact of the matter was that I was still young and had no idea how to cope with that kind of pain. I remember lying on my bed one day, after what felt like hours of agony, and my Mum calling the Doctor for help. I wound up taking as much mefenamic acid as is allowable, combined with paracetamol. This combination seemed to cause memory loss for me, and each month I would "lose" 36 hours while I was doped up to the eyeballs. I was eventually moved over to the contraceptive pill to ease the pain.

For years I combined the contraceptive pill with paracetamol, supported with the occasional dose of mefenamic acid when the pain became too bad. Around the age of 20 I was diagnosed as allergic to dairy produce (that's what caused the asthma attack that nearly killed me), and had to be taken off of the pill due to its lactose content. I was given the jab (and later the implant) to stop my periods altogether. It was bliss.

For those of you who know me now, you will have noticed that I have some weight issues. Given that they started around the time I switched to the jab, I decided to come off of hormone-based contraception altogether about 18 months ago. I was not looking forward to my periods coming back, as I had been told that I should expect the pain levels to be similar to what they were before I started taking the pill - at least until I had a baby. And, I guess, they are. It's just hard to tell.

Yes, I still have that ache across my abdomen. Yes, I still have the shooting pains. Yes, I still have the queasiness, the weakness, the disorientation, the painful boobs and all of the other rubbish that goes with periods. But I don't really care any more. Fibromyalgia is so painful that the once crippling period pains now seem very minor. But because it is constant rather than once a month, I have been able to get used to it.

So yes, for all of the horror that comes with the chronic pain, I try to look for the small advantages. And one is that my pain threshold has gone through the roof. When everything hurts, all day, every day, you DO get used to it. Not enough to be able to ignore it, but enough to be able to cope with some of the facts of life a little better.

And I like to take my wins wherever I can. No matter how small they may be.

Lazy.

I've just realised it's been nearly two months since my last blog post. Oops. I'll admit it, I've been terribly lazy.

When I last posted, I was still in the throes of Cura Romana. Unfortunately, that ended with a bump as I had an allergic reaction to something I was eating and became really quite ill. I had to break the diet in a hurry simply to allow my body to recover. I still haven't figured out exactly what caused the reaction, but I think I've more or less cracked it. But as I had already lost two and a half stone in 5 weeks, and have only regained 7lbs of that, I still consider the diet a success overall and will give it another go when I know that my body has recovered from the previous burst. Even ending the diet abruptly, I have found that I have managed to learn a lot about what works for me and what doesn't simply by keeping a food diet and looking for patterns in the fluctuation of my weight and any digestive issues. And there have been very few digestive issues.

So since then I have been busy recovering, getting ready for Christmas (with an immediate family of 40 that is no mean feat!) and slowly doing a bit more work. Business is still quite slow, but I am finding that word is starting to spread and more people are willing to give alternative treatments a go. Which is very exciting news.

I have also decided that I am not going to stay at Regus in the new year. I have another couple of months before my contract runs out with them, but the way they operate does not agree with the way I operate. I still have space at A New Leaf... in Maidstone, and if there is demand I can always find a new fixed space that will suit me better. If you have any thoughts on this, please do let me know.

And I think that that might actually be all of the news I have from over the last two months. Which is a little sad really. But hopefully this year I will be a bit better about blogging regularly with more interesting topics than I have found so far!

Day 18.

I'm now onto the third week of hCG + Food Plan, and it seems to be going quite well. I've lost 17lbs so far, which is very enviable. For a while Merlin the rabbit stopped talking to me, but he's back on side now. We think he probably just smelled the detox taking place in my system and didn't want anything to do with it. I contemplated doing an extra 3 weeks for a while, but I've decided not to as I can afford it and I'm rather looking forward to eating something other than chicken, steak, tuna or omelette. There are many other options on the list, but given how I have responded badly to some of these in the past I've decided to stick to the proteins that I know and trust. I've stopped detoxing and craving, I'm barely feeling hungry at all, and I'm starting to feel a bit less tired. I don't think I'm going to get the complete health revolution that I was hoping for within the next week, but any weight lost is to be praised, I do feel like I'm on better terms with my body, and I can go back onto hCG + Food Plan without the mentoring once I have completed Consolidation.

I've learnt an awful lot from Leslie over the last two weeks, and I can't help thinking that I've got a lot more to learn over the next 7 weeks. I've got a lot to learn from my body too. I suspect I know what it's going to tell me, and the future of squidgy chip shop chips does not look good for me. But the rule with Cura Romana is not to create a list of rules for what thou may and may not eat, but rather to make you more aware of the impact each food has on your system. If I know that chips make me bloat, for example, I can choose to indulge occasionally knowing that the result will be a bloat. Or I can choose to eat something lighter, and pinch one or two of my husband's chips to get a taste.

I'm still struggling to rest as much as I should be. It doesn't help that this week seems to have a busy schedule in store for me, following on from a busy weekend. I just seem to be incapable of taking time to chill out and relax and, interestingly, that is starting to really annoy me now. I just want to put all of my commitments on hold so that I can spend an hour lying on the sofa listening to plinky plonky music. Or maybe head over to the "spa" at Larkfield Leisure Centre to have a dip in the jacuzzi and a quick sauna. Hmm, that sounds nice. I've never really been annoyed by not being able to take time to relax before, just tired. It does explain how I've managed to wind up with a fatigue deficit quite as large as I have!

It probably doesn't help that I've signed up to NaNoWriMo, or National Novel Writing Month. It's a challenge that requires participants to write a novel (or at least 50,000 words thereof) over the course of November. It's going to be tricky, and will probably be keeping me very busy, but it will be something different, interesting and potentially rather cathartic to do. It also keeps my stuck on the sofa behind my laptop, which is a good place to get some rest. So now, as well as keeping you posted on the progress of my weight loss, I will be keeping you posted on the progress of my novel. It sounds like a fun month.

But at least I'm not trying to take part in Movember.

Day 7.

Almost a week into the Cura Romana programme, and I'm starting to feel the shift. I have lost an astonishing 9lbs since the weekend (and the programme only offers up to 7lbs a week), although I did have a slight panic on Wednesday evening when (6lbs down) I had a wrestle with my favourite jeans as they refused to go over my bum. Having dropped two dress sizes and gained 4 stone over the last couple of years, I think that finally the invisible weight is trying to become more visible! That said, I have noticed my wobbly bit on my belly is retreating, and I'm no longer getting stuck on the rabbit gate every time I go through it.

The hunger was there on and off for about 2 and a half days before I realised that I am not actually experiencing hunger now, but more a craving for food. The very lovely Leslie Kenton, who personally mentors everyone who takes the Inner Circle programme, has established (with a few other symptoms) that I have an overgrowth of Candida. The "yeastie beasties" as she calls them are widely believed in alternative medicine to lead to fatigue and weight gain amongst other things, so there is a part of my brain that is still sitting slack-jawed thinking that all of this could be the result of a bad case of intestinal thrush. I don't know how, but I seem to have a definite knack for picking up gut parasites. (If you haven't heard the story of my dairy allergy, please let me know.)

I miss parts of my daily routine, such as not having breakfast. First thing in the morning is usually the only time I am hungry, so I've always eaten a good-sized breakfast. Passing over that feels like I'm missing out, although it is more from routine than hunger than I feel like this. I'm making do with the insoluble fibre and vitamin C combination that I am drinking each morning, and following it up with a cup of laxative tea to prevent my bowels from becoming sluggish on such a small diet. The danger here is that I am really starting to enjoy the laxative tea. I may have to get my husband to hide it somewhere away from me once I return to normal eating to avoid accidentally brewing a cup to enjoy the flavour without thinking through the consequences. Hey, I am a blonde.

I am still detoxing. I have sat on the sofa doing very little except for reading, watching TV, playing Minecraft on my computer and daydreaming. Mainly about being slim and healthy. It feels so wrong after the pacing and being housebound with illness, but my body is working so hard to purge itself of all the rubbish its been carrying around that it needs the rest. It will let me know when it is time to get up again. I am hoping it will be before my birthday though. The intense detox that I am experiencing is what has led to my unusually high weightloss. Most people who undertake the programme would lose less weight in the same space of time, but would also be free from the drowsiness, the bunged nose and the generally feeling a bit rubbish.

On the plus side, I have already noticed that I am getting fewer sharp pains from my fibromyalgia. I am still aching all over, and am still tired, but the improvement is definitely there. I also feel a bit more flexible, as if the stiffness from my muscles is easing away. I've even managed to take baths without the aid of my bathseat, which feels fantastic. Give it a couple more days and I feel sure I'll be able to touch my toes like I used to!

A few people have expressed an interest in Cura Romana after discovering how much weight I've lost with how much ease. Even with the detox taking place, I feel much better than I ever have on any diet I've done before. I have no hunger now, am eating tasty steak on a regular basis and even the disgusting-looking supplements are actually rather tasty. Compared to most diets, Cura Romana is easy. And the big selling factor for me is that they have a 98% success rate at keeping the weight off permanently. Most diets boast a 70% success rate at losing weight initially, but don't broadcast their statistics for long-term weightloss. The 2% who gain weight again after the programme usually did something wrong at some time during the process. So if you are serious about permanent weightloss and want some of the health benefits that Cura Romana offer over other diets, check out what they have to offer at http://www.lesliekentonhcg.com/ . There is a free download called 'Pounds and Inches' which is well worth a read, and you can book a free 15-minute consultation with Leslie Kenton. She is not into hard selling, so you won't feel obligated at all if you decide you'd like to have a chat with her.

Sorry it sounds so much like a sales pitch, but I am just so relieved to have found Cura Romana that I want to share it with everyone who wants to know!

Day 5.

This is now my third day on the Cura Romana hCG + Food Plan. I've been a bit hungry, which is not entirely uncommon, but no light-headedness or woozy feelings so I know my blood sugar hasn't plummeted. I've also been having some mighty detox effects, but given how toxic I was to begin with, that is also not a surprise. And if  suffering the effects for a couple of days now means that I will feel better, stronger and less toxic in the long run, then I am quite willing to deal with it!

A lot of people experience no hunger at all,except right before mealtimes,from Day1 of hCG+ Food Plan. I was not one of these lucky ones. Admittedly,the hunger I felt was very mild, and seemed to pass quite quickly when I had a rest or a drink. As the days are passing, I'm becoming more and more aware that what I am thinking of as hunger is actually a craving for food. Over the next three weeks, I am hoping to see an end to this pattern. I miss my breakfast routine, and my body is slightly baffled when it doesn't get its usual meal at this time. I will adjust to this too, in time. I had also known for a long time that I felt hunger when I was bored and often had a little graze to stave off this feeling. As the detox is taking effect I am feeling lazy and sad, and the boredom graze desire is constantly nagging at me. I'm trusting myself though, and trusting the system, and doing my best to ignore these urges. I haven't succumbed yet, and if I can make it through the first two days-the hardest two days- I know I can make it to the end.

Plus I've already lost 6lbs, and that's quite an incentive to keep going.

I am feeling sad and achy, bored and irritable, and all in all rather sorry for myself. Basically, I seem to have been transported back to the body of the teen I was when I started taking the contraceptive pill to control my period pains and first gave in to the world of weight gain. This is not a bad thing. If I have not been living my life to the fullest since then, why not start my Cura Romana journey from this point? After all, I have a gap of about 12 years to fill in, and it wouldn't be a bad idea to relive some of the experiences I've had during that time from a more balanced, mature and healthy perspective. I can't undo the things that I have done"wrong", nor would I want to for the most part, but I can revisit them and learn the lessons I may have missed the first time around, or simply look at them again and say "I see how I let that happen. Let's never get to that state again." Either way, I feel that this journey will have a lot to teach me.

Cura Romana.

Over the next few months, I hope that there will be more blog posts. However, I will be hijacking my own blog a little. I have been introduced to a process called Cura Romana, which is essentially a detox diet combined with a homoeopathic remedy that trigger weight loss, improved health and a sense of mental and emotional wellbeing. I am looking forward to it, as these are all things I desperately need, and I want to document the journey and share it with other people who are interested. To do this, I will simply blog regularly as I undergo the process.

I recently met a therapist named Shirley, from Transition Therapies (http://www.transitiontherapies.holisticlocal.co.uk/). We were chatting generally, and the subject of my weight and health issues came up. She recommended Cura Romana, having tried it successfully herself some time before, and lent me her copy of this book: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Cura-Romana-Weightloss-Plan/dp/0593066731/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1317813287&sr=8-2 . I very quickly felt that this was something that I needed to try, and now have my own copy. I have been saying for years that I feel like I just need to hit my reboot button, and this seems to be a protocol that will allow me to do this.

So after having a massive clear out and eBay frenzy, I have managed to get the money together to get started. Leslie Kenton offers a free consultation via her website (http://www.lesliekentonhcg.com/), and if you are interested in trying this for yourself you will find that she is a wonderfully positive, non-judgemental person, who takes the same attitude towards hard sell that I do. She doesn't want to just leech money out of people and make a quick buck; she wants to see people's lives transformed, and so will choose to help those for whom the protocol will be massively beneficial over those who seem to be faddy, yo-yo dieters. If you can only accept so many people onto your programme, you want to choose those who will provide the best success stories.

At this stage, I am a little nervous. The protocol allows so little food per day. How can I possibly not be hungry? And it is almost entirely successful, as long as you follow the protocol precisely - what happens if I make a mistake? What if I get ill? What if I can't manage it? What if I am away from home, and can't eat the appropriate food? There are so many worries going through my mind. But the feedback is universal from people who have tried it - you CAN do it. It is easy. It is considerably easier than you could possibly imagine.  And I am so ready to lose weight, lose pain and lose fatigue that I can be ready to make the other necessary lifestyle changes to ensure that I can make it work.

Now, if you will excuse me, I need to go buy some scales.