Catharsis.

So, another long gap has formed in my blog posts. At least this time I have a valid excuse. I've had another crash.

I've been working up to this crash since last year, as I've been burning the candle at both ends and haven't taken enough time to rest and recover. If I were my own client, I'd be cross with me. So now I am on rest detail, and have been for several weeks now. I took a pitstop in my rest to go on holiday, but it turned out that even holiday was too much for me. So now I'm back on the sofa.

I've never been great at resting. It bores and frustrates me. I don't have the mindset for a chronic illness, and that is one of the biggest hurdles I face in my day to day life. So now I am on the hunt for cathartic activities. Blogging was supposed to achieve this, and it probably would if I could remember to do it from time to time. I've also started writing a book. Well, a couple of books really. But I used to write all the time, and I can't help thinking that being able to get the words out of my like I used to would really help. So once again, I turn to my blog for cathartic outlet.

I need to be less afraid to share what and who I am with those of you who are interested enough to read my blog. Sometimes I am worried that if I admit to the other facets of me, those of you who see me purely as a professional will suddenly think that perhaps you shouldn't be seeing me at all. But an important part of my rehabilitation process is to stop being the social chameleon, stop hiding parts of myself from other people, and just relax and not worry about what people think. No man is an island, and if I'm honest I am totally land-locked. I'm a faddy person, who likes to dabble in everything.

And you know what? I like me. So from now on, I invite you all to like me too. Not just the me who likes holistic therapy and bunnies, but the me who likes to dress up as a fairy and run round the Welsh countryside, the me who has a shameful addiction to Take Me Out, and the me who really loves the novels of Janet Evanovich.

And then, when you've decided whether you like me or not, why not decide whether you're ready to let other people like you, the whole you, and nothing but the real you.

Day 5.

This is now my third day on the Cura Romana hCG + Food Plan. I've been a bit hungry, which is not entirely uncommon, but no light-headedness or woozy feelings so I know my blood sugar hasn't plummeted. I've also been having some mighty detox effects, but given how toxic I was to begin with, that is also not a surprise. And if  suffering the effects for a couple of days now means that I will feel better, stronger and less toxic in the long run, then I am quite willing to deal with it!

A lot of people experience no hunger at all,except right before mealtimes,from Day1 of hCG+ Food Plan. I was not one of these lucky ones. Admittedly,the hunger I felt was very mild, and seemed to pass quite quickly when I had a rest or a drink. As the days are passing, I'm becoming more and more aware that what I am thinking of as hunger is actually a craving for food. Over the next three weeks, I am hoping to see an end to this pattern. I miss my breakfast routine, and my body is slightly baffled when it doesn't get its usual meal at this time. I will adjust to this too, in time. I had also known for a long time that I felt hunger when I was bored and often had a little graze to stave off this feeling. As the detox is taking effect I am feeling lazy and sad, and the boredom graze desire is constantly nagging at me. I'm trusting myself though, and trusting the system, and doing my best to ignore these urges. I haven't succumbed yet, and if I can make it through the first two days-the hardest two days- I know I can make it to the end.

Plus I've already lost 6lbs, and that's quite an incentive to keep going.

I am feeling sad and achy, bored and irritable, and all in all rather sorry for myself. Basically, I seem to have been transported back to the body of the teen I was when I started taking the contraceptive pill to control my period pains and first gave in to the world of weight gain. This is not a bad thing. If I have not been living my life to the fullest since then, why not start my Cura Romana journey from this point? After all, I have a gap of about 12 years to fill in, and it wouldn't be a bad idea to relive some of the experiences I've had during that time from a more balanced, mature and healthy perspective. I can't undo the things that I have done"wrong", nor would I want to for the most part, but I can revisit them and learn the lessons I may have missed the first time around, or simply look at them again and say "I see how I let that happen. Let's never get to that state again." Either way, I feel that this journey will have a lot to teach me.