So, it appears that I haven't blogged since May. I've also fallen off of Twitter for a while. You may well ask where I have gone.
The truth of the matter is that I've retreated back into my illness. Not intentionally, of course, it just kind of happened. We have many theories as to why I have disappeared of late, ranging from weather to holidays (or lack of) to just plain overdoing it, but none of them are conclusive. I've just been... ill. Even if you've seen me in person, you will probably have still thought that I've disappeared. There's nothing like a few months of mental vacancy.
I've taken a period off in an attempt to do everything I can to get myself feeling better. I'm trying all sorts of new techniques, so I should have some good reviews once they start to take effect. In the meantime, blog posts and tweets will continue to be intermittent. Bear with me - normal service will be resumed as soon as normal health is!
Tuesday, 21 August 2012
Tuesday, 8 May 2012
Catharsis.
So, another long gap has formed in my blog posts. At least this time I have a valid excuse. I've had another crash.
I've been working up to this crash since last year, as I've been burning the candle at both ends and haven't taken enough time to rest and recover. If I were my own client, I'd be cross with me. So now I am on rest detail, and have been for several weeks now. I took a pitstop in my rest to go on holiday, but it turned out that even holiday was too much for me. So now I'm back on the sofa.
I've never been great at resting. It bores and frustrates me. I don't have the mindset for a chronic illness, and that is one of the biggest hurdles I face in my day to day life. So now I am on the hunt for cathartic activities. Blogging was supposed to achieve this, and it probably would if I could remember to do it from time to time. I've also started writing a book. Well, a couple of books really. But I used to write all the time, and I can't help thinking that being able to get the words out of my like I used to would really help. So once again, I turn to my blog for cathartic outlet.
I need to be less afraid to share what and who I am with those of you who are interested enough to read my blog. Sometimes I am worried that if I admit to the other facets of me, those of you who see me purely as a professional will suddenly think that perhaps you shouldn't be seeing me at all. But an important part of my rehabilitation process is to stop being the social chameleon, stop hiding parts of myself from other people, and just relax and not worry about what people think. No man is an island, and if I'm honest I am totally land-locked. I'm a faddy person, who likes to dabble in everything.
And you know what? I like me. So from now on, I invite you all to like me too. Not just the me who likes holistic therapy and bunnies, but the me who likes to dress up as a fairy and run round the Welsh countryside, the me who has a shameful addiction to Take Me Out, and the me who really loves the novels of Janet Evanovich.
And then, when you've decided whether you like me or not, why not decide whether you're ready to let other people like you, the whole you, and nothing but the real you.
I've been working up to this crash since last year, as I've been burning the candle at both ends and haven't taken enough time to rest and recover. If I were my own client, I'd be cross with me. So now I am on rest detail, and have been for several weeks now. I took a pitstop in my rest to go on holiday, but it turned out that even holiday was too much for me. So now I'm back on the sofa.
I've never been great at resting. It bores and frustrates me. I don't have the mindset for a chronic illness, and that is one of the biggest hurdles I face in my day to day life. So now I am on the hunt for cathartic activities. Blogging was supposed to achieve this, and it probably would if I could remember to do it from time to time. I've also started writing a book. Well, a couple of books really. But I used to write all the time, and I can't help thinking that being able to get the words out of my like I used to would really help. So once again, I turn to my blog for cathartic outlet.
I need to be less afraid to share what and who I am with those of you who are interested enough to read my blog. Sometimes I am worried that if I admit to the other facets of me, those of you who see me purely as a professional will suddenly think that perhaps you shouldn't be seeing me at all. But an important part of my rehabilitation process is to stop being the social chameleon, stop hiding parts of myself from other people, and just relax and not worry about what people think. No man is an island, and if I'm honest I am totally land-locked. I'm a faddy person, who likes to dabble in everything.
And you know what? I like me. So from now on, I invite you all to like me too. Not just the me who likes holistic therapy and bunnies, but the me who likes to dress up as a fairy and run round the Welsh countryside, the me who has a shameful addiction to Take Me Out, and the me who really loves the novels of Janet Evanovich.
And then, when you've decided whether you like me or not, why not decide whether you're ready to let other people like you, the whole you, and nothing but the real you.
Wednesday, 21 March 2012
Advantages.
Lots of people ask me how long I have been fibromyalgic. It might sound like a simple question, but it's actually surprisingly difficult to answer. Looking back, I see that I have had it all my life. When I was a child, if I fell over and twisted my ankle it would hurt like I'd broken it. Not just the hyperbole of a small child; it really was agonising. I also remember walking back from school - about a mile - would have all my limbs aching painfully. And standing for the duration of Remembrance Day service would cause my feet, legs and back to sear with pain. But when you're a child and full of energy, you don't realise that the pain you are experiencing is not what everyone else is feeling.
When I was 18, I worked as a travel rep in Switzerland. I had a scooter accident, which was very nearly fatal. For some unknown reason, I bounced. I survived with bumps, bruises, cuts, grazes and a really sluggish feel that I just couldn't seem to shake. I also sustained some brain damage, which resulted in dyslexia - a crisis for an avid reader and writer - but not much else so far as I can tell.
Graced with my new-found sluggishness and dyslexia, I carried on with the plan I had for my life. I took a gap year. I did some amazing things. I only nearly died one more time (asthma vs walk-in fridge). I went to University, and was loving studying and doing well for myself. Then I went home for Christmas, my Dad and brother caught a stomach bug, and as an emitophobic I gave myself a panic attack fearing that I too would be inhabited by the bug. That was it. I crashed, and didn't ever return to normality.
In the early years, I found that I would get a summer time remission that would leave me almost back to normal over the warmest months, and crashing each winter. But each summer the remissions would offer less improvement, and the winters became harder and harder.
So there are many answers to the question "how long have you been fibromyalgic?", and you can take your pick as to which one you like best. In hindsight, I think I always have been, and it has simply been a steady descent since childhood. Things have become harder, slower and more painful as the years have passed. And despite only being 28 years old, I feel like many, many years have passed. Fibromyalgia is a cruel mistress, and it can be exceptionally hard on even the strongest-willed amongst us.
However, I was reminded this morning of the fact that fibromyalgia does have some advantages, and you have to learn to take them when you can.
When I was about 12, I remember lying on the sofa during my little brother's birthday party. At that age, presumably 4 or 5, he would have been too young to understand anything other than the fact that I was "ill" with a "tummy ache". In reality I had yet another period so painful I could barely stand.
By the time I was about 14 or 15, these had gotten to the stage where I wasn't able to sit, stand, or lie down without excruciating pain. Looking back, I think this was due to the hypersensitivity to pain that is one of the main characteristics of my condition. But the fact of the matter was that I was still young and had no idea how to cope with that kind of pain. I remember lying on my bed one day, after what felt like hours of agony, and my Mum calling the Doctor for help. I wound up taking as much mefenamic acid as is allowable, combined with paracetamol. This combination seemed to cause memory loss for me, and each month I would "lose" 36 hours while I was doped up to the eyeballs. I was eventually moved over to the contraceptive pill to ease the pain.
For years I combined the contraceptive pill with paracetamol, supported with the occasional dose of mefenamic acid when the pain became too bad. Around the age of 20 I was diagnosed as allergic to dairy produce (that's what caused the asthma attack that nearly killed me), and had to be taken off of the pill due to its lactose content. I was given the jab (and later the implant) to stop my periods altogether. It was bliss.
For those of you who know me now, you will have noticed that I have some weight issues. Given that they started around the time I switched to the jab, I decided to come off of hormone-based contraception altogether about 18 months ago. I was not looking forward to my periods coming back, as I had been told that I should expect the pain levels to be similar to what they were before I started taking the pill - at least until I had a baby. And, I guess, they are. It's just hard to tell.
Yes, I still have that ache across my abdomen. Yes, I still have the shooting pains. Yes, I still have the queasiness, the weakness, the disorientation, the painful boobs and all of the other rubbish that goes with periods. But I don't really care any more. Fibromyalgia is so painful that the once crippling period pains now seem very minor. But because it is constant rather than once a month, I have been able to get used to it.
So yes, for all of the horror that comes with the chronic pain, I try to look for the small advantages. And one is that my pain threshold has gone through the roof. When everything hurts, all day, every day, you DO get used to it. Not enough to be able to ignore it, but enough to be able to cope with some of the facts of life a little better.
And I like to take my wins wherever I can. No matter how small they may be.
When I was 18, I worked as a travel rep in Switzerland. I had a scooter accident, which was very nearly fatal. For some unknown reason, I bounced. I survived with bumps, bruises, cuts, grazes and a really sluggish feel that I just couldn't seem to shake. I also sustained some brain damage, which resulted in dyslexia - a crisis for an avid reader and writer - but not much else so far as I can tell.
Graced with my new-found sluggishness and dyslexia, I carried on with the plan I had for my life. I took a gap year. I did some amazing things. I only nearly died one more time (asthma vs walk-in fridge). I went to University, and was loving studying and doing well for myself. Then I went home for Christmas, my Dad and brother caught a stomach bug, and as an emitophobic I gave myself a panic attack fearing that I too would be inhabited by the bug. That was it. I crashed, and didn't ever return to normality.
In the early years, I found that I would get a summer time remission that would leave me almost back to normal over the warmest months, and crashing each winter. But each summer the remissions would offer less improvement, and the winters became harder and harder.
So there are many answers to the question "how long have you been fibromyalgic?", and you can take your pick as to which one you like best. In hindsight, I think I always have been, and it has simply been a steady descent since childhood. Things have become harder, slower and more painful as the years have passed. And despite only being 28 years old, I feel like many, many years have passed. Fibromyalgia is a cruel mistress, and it can be exceptionally hard on even the strongest-willed amongst us.
However, I was reminded this morning of the fact that fibromyalgia does have some advantages, and you have to learn to take them when you can.
When I was about 12, I remember lying on the sofa during my little brother's birthday party. At that age, presumably 4 or 5, he would have been too young to understand anything other than the fact that I was "ill" with a "tummy ache". In reality I had yet another period so painful I could barely stand.
By the time I was about 14 or 15, these had gotten to the stage where I wasn't able to sit, stand, or lie down without excruciating pain. Looking back, I think this was due to the hypersensitivity to pain that is one of the main characteristics of my condition. But the fact of the matter was that I was still young and had no idea how to cope with that kind of pain. I remember lying on my bed one day, after what felt like hours of agony, and my Mum calling the Doctor for help. I wound up taking as much mefenamic acid as is allowable, combined with paracetamol. This combination seemed to cause memory loss for me, and each month I would "lose" 36 hours while I was doped up to the eyeballs. I was eventually moved over to the contraceptive pill to ease the pain.
For years I combined the contraceptive pill with paracetamol, supported with the occasional dose of mefenamic acid when the pain became too bad. Around the age of 20 I was diagnosed as allergic to dairy produce (that's what caused the asthma attack that nearly killed me), and had to be taken off of the pill due to its lactose content. I was given the jab (and later the implant) to stop my periods altogether. It was bliss.
For those of you who know me now, you will have noticed that I have some weight issues. Given that they started around the time I switched to the jab, I decided to come off of hormone-based contraception altogether about 18 months ago. I was not looking forward to my periods coming back, as I had been told that I should expect the pain levels to be similar to what they were before I started taking the pill - at least until I had a baby. And, I guess, they are. It's just hard to tell.
Yes, I still have that ache across my abdomen. Yes, I still have the shooting pains. Yes, I still have the queasiness, the weakness, the disorientation, the painful boobs and all of the other rubbish that goes with periods. But I don't really care any more. Fibromyalgia is so painful that the once crippling period pains now seem very minor. But because it is constant rather than once a month, I have been able to get used to it.
So yes, for all of the horror that comes with the chronic pain, I try to look for the small advantages. And one is that my pain threshold has gone through the roof. When everything hurts, all day, every day, you DO get used to it. Not enough to be able to ignore it, but enough to be able to cope with some of the facts of life a little better.
And I like to take my wins wherever I can. No matter how small they may be.
Tuesday, 13 March 2012
TMI.
Oh dear.
My blogging skills really have been abysmal recently, and for that I apologise. I have a list of excuses as long as my arm, but ultimately it all boils down to one thing. Fibromyalgia got in the way. Again.
The last few months have been incredibly hard work (the winter always is, as any chronic pain sufferer will tell you) and I have barely had the wherewithal needed to read blog posts, let alone write them. I'd also been considering moving my blog to Wordpress as so many people dislike commenting on Blogger posts. We'll ignore the fact that I like Blogger for making posts - I have too much desire to make other people happy to consider what works best for me. Anyway, after receiving a comment on my last blog post (from last year *hangs head in shame*) I realised that if people want to comment on my Blogger blog then they will find a way.
And, goshdarnit, I like Blogger.
So now that I've made that decision, there is no excuse to stave off blogging more regularly than I have achieved earlier in this year. Except for laziness, but I'm working on that. This means that I should really get my act together and start blogging, whether I feel inspired to write a huge long explanation of how to find your perfect manicurist, whether I want to keep you up to date with developments in my business, or whether I simply feel the need to ramble about the new pair of shoes I bought for my sister-in-law's wedding. Okay, I'll spare you the latter, even though they are really, really impressive shoes.
The reason the post on my last blog post nudged me into action again (thank you Illy - I needed it!) was because she wanted to share with me an award.
My blogging skills really have been abysmal recently, and for that I apologise. I have a list of excuses as long as my arm, but ultimately it all boils down to one thing. Fibromyalgia got in the way. Again.
The last few months have been incredibly hard work (the winter always is, as any chronic pain sufferer will tell you) and I have barely had the wherewithal needed to read blog posts, let alone write them. I'd also been considering moving my blog to Wordpress as so many people dislike commenting on Blogger posts. We'll ignore the fact that I like Blogger for making posts - I have too much desire to make other people happy to consider what works best for me. Anyway, after receiving a comment on my last blog post (from last year *hangs head in shame*) I realised that if people want to comment on my Blogger blog then they will find a way.
And, goshdarnit, I like Blogger.
So now that I've made that decision, there is no excuse to stave off blogging more regularly than I have achieved earlier in this year. Except for laziness, but I'm working on that. This means that I should really get my act together and start blogging, whether I feel inspired to write a huge long explanation of how to find your perfect manicurist, whether I want to keep you up to date with developments in my business, or whether I simply feel the need to ramble about the new pair of shoes I bought for my sister-in-law's wedding. Okay, I'll spare you the latter, even though they are really, really impressive shoes.
The reason the post on my last blog post nudged me into action again (thank you Illy - I needed it!) was because she wanted to share with me an award.
This is the TMI award, given by bloggers who share every detail to bloggers who share every detail. The beautiful and lovely Ileandra Young chose to pass the award on to me because of the level of detail that I am willing to share with anyone who wants to know about what it is actually like to have a chronic pain condition, and the "grace" with which I handle a difficult subject. I'm not sure any fibromyalgic can really be considered graceful, but I'm happy to grab the compliment and run with it.
The rules of accepting the award are as follows:
1. Thank the person who presented you with the award.
2. Link back to the blogger who presented the award to you.
3. Share an awkward, intimate or embarrassing story in 250 words or less.
4. Copy and paste the blog award onto your blog.
5. Present the blog award to 5-10 deserving blogs.
6. Let them know they have been chosen by leaving a message at their blogs.
Thank you again to Illy - a woman so lovely, loving and loved that I am always baffled by the fact that she has time for me. And in case you missed the hint earlier, her blog is here. Go visit her and tell her she looks nice today.
For some reason, the only answer to rule 3 that leaps to mind is what happened to me on holiday a couple of years ago. I was boating with my lovely husband, and although the pain was easing (as is the magic of boating) I was feeling tired from all of the fresh air. And then we got lost trying to find our way back from the pub where we'd had dinner, so by the time the boat was in sight I was well and truly devoid of energy. My legs were buckling, but I forced myself on valiantly. And as Robin stopped to open the flap and let us into the boat, my legs gave out altogether. I collapsed in a heap on the towpath, my entire body seizing up with pain. I didn't have the strength to twitch my fingers. Tears rolled down my face with the agony, and I concentrated every last ounce of strength into making sure I simply kept on breathing. At that moment, the man in the next boat emerged, heading off towards the elusive pub. He looked at me, barely conscious, lying on the towpath crying, and asked if I was okay. Robin told him it was a pre-existing condition, and he made a 'huh' noise, stepped over me, and walked off down the path. To this day I wonder what went through his mind as I lay there unable to speak or move out of his way. Had he realised that this is what chronic pain looks like at its worst, or did he just assume I was drunk and stupid? I guess I'll never know.
And this is where I run into trouble. I don't really follow that many blogs, preferring to read the odd post in most cases, and Ileandra's blog is the only one I can think of off the top of my head that really offers any scope for the TMI award. So I am going to do something a little cheeky and defer my sharing of the awards until I find someone truly deserving. And when I do, I shall share it with you.
If I don't share TMI first.
Friday, 30 December 2011
Lazy.
I've just realised it's been nearly two months since my last blog post. Oops. I'll admit it, I've been terribly lazy.
When I last posted, I was still in the throes of Cura Romana. Unfortunately, that ended with a bump as I had an allergic reaction to something I was eating and became really quite ill. I had to break the diet in a hurry simply to allow my body to recover. I still haven't figured out exactly what caused the reaction, but I think I've more or less cracked it. But as I had already lost two and a half stone in 5 weeks, and have only regained 7lbs of that, I still consider the diet a success overall and will give it another go when I know that my body has recovered from the previous burst. Even ending the diet abruptly, I have found that I have managed to learn a lot about what works for me and what doesn't simply by keeping a food diet and looking for patterns in the fluctuation of my weight and any digestive issues. And there have been very few digestive issues.
So since then I have been busy recovering, getting ready for Christmas (with an immediate family of 40 that is no mean feat!) and slowly doing a bit more work. Business is still quite slow, but I am finding that word is starting to spread and more people are willing to give alternative treatments a go. Which is very exciting news.
I have also decided that I am not going to stay at Regus in the new year. I have another couple of months before my contract runs out with them, but the way they operate does not agree with the way I operate. I still have space at A New Leaf... in Maidstone, and if there is demand I can always find a new fixed space that will suit me better. If you have any thoughts on this, please do let me know.
And I think that that might actually be all of the news I have from over the last two months. Which is a little sad really. But hopefully this year I will be a bit better about blogging regularly with more interesting topics than I have found so far!
When I last posted, I was still in the throes of Cura Romana. Unfortunately, that ended with a bump as I had an allergic reaction to something I was eating and became really quite ill. I had to break the diet in a hurry simply to allow my body to recover. I still haven't figured out exactly what caused the reaction, but I think I've more or less cracked it. But as I had already lost two and a half stone in 5 weeks, and have only regained 7lbs of that, I still consider the diet a success overall and will give it another go when I know that my body has recovered from the previous burst. Even ending the diet abruptly, I have found that I have managed to learn a lot about what works for me and what doesn't simply by keeping a food diet and looking for patterns in the fluctuation of my weight and any digestive issues. And there have been very few digestive issues.
So since then I have been busy recovering, getting ready for Christmas (with an immediate family of 40 that is no mean feat!) and slowly doing a bit more work. Business is still quite slow, but I am finding that word is starting to spread and more people are willing to give alternative treatments a go. Which is very exciting news.
I have also decided that I am not going to stay at Regus in the new year. I have another couple of months before my contract runs out with them, but the way they operate does not agree with the way I operate. I still have space at A New Leaf... in Maidstone, and if there is demand I can always find a new fixed space that will suit me better. If you have any thoughts on this, please do let me know.
And I think that that might actually be all of the news I have from over the last two months. Which is a little sad really. But hopefully this year I will be a bit better about blogging regularly with more interesting topics than I have found so far!
Tuesday, 1 November 2011
Day 18.
I'm now onto the third week of hCG + Food Plan, and it seems to be going quite well. I've lost 17lbs so far, which is very enviable. For a while Merlin the rabbit stopped talking to me, but he's back on side now. We think he probably just smelled the detox taking place in my system and didn't want anything to do with it. I contemplated doing an extra 3 weeks for a while, but I've decided not to as I can afford it and I'm rather looking forward to eating something other than chicken, steak, tuna or omelette. There are many other options on the list, but given how I have responded badly to some of these in the past I've decided to stick to the proteins that I know and trust. I've stopped detoxing and craving, I'm barely feeling hungry at all, and I'm starting to feel a bit less tired. I don't think I'm going to get the complete health revolution that I was hoping for within the next week, but any weight lost is to be praised, I do feel like I'm on better terms with my body, and I can go back onto hCG + Food Plan without the mentoring once I have completed Consolidation.
I've learnt an awful lot from Leslie over the last two weeks, and I can't help thinking that I've got a lot more to learn over the next 7 weeks. I've got a lot to learn from my body too. I suspect I know what it's going to tell me, and the future of squidgy chip shop chips does not look good for me. But the rule with Cura Romana is not to create a list of rules for what thou may and may not eat, but rather to make you more aware of the impact each food has on your system. If I know that chips make me bloat, for example, I can choose to indulge occasionally knowing that the result will be a bloat. Or I can choose to eat something lighter, and pinch one or two of my husband's chips to get a taste.
I'm still struggling to rest as much as I should be. It doesn't help that this week seems to have a busy schedule in store for me, following on from a busy weekend. I just seem to be incapable of taking time to chill out and relax and, interestingly, that is starting to really annoy me now. I just want to put all of my commitments on hold so that I can spend an hour lying on the sofa listening to plinky plonky music. Or maybe head over to the "spa" at Larkfield Leisure Centre to have a dip in the jacuzzi and a quick sauna. Hmm, that sounds nice. I've never really been annoyed by not being able to take time to relax before, just tired. It does explain how I've managed to wind up with a fatigue deficit quite as large as I have!
It probably doesn't help that I've signed up to NaNoWriMo, or National Novel Writing Month. It's a challenge that requires participants to write a novel (or at least 50,000 words thereof) over the course of November. It's going to be tricky, and will probably be keeping me very busy, but it will be something different, interesting and potentially rather cathartic to do. It also keeps my stuck on the sofa behind my laptop, which is a good place to get some rest. So now, as well as keeping you posted on the progress of my weight loss, I will be keeping you posted on the progress of my novel. It sounds like a fun month.
But at least I'm not trying to take part in Movember.
I've learnt an awful lot from Leslie over the last two weeks, and I can't help thinking that I've got a lot more to learn over the next 7 weeks. I've got a lot to learn from my body too. I suspect I know what it's going to tell me, and the future of squidgy chip shop chips does not look good for me. But the rule with Cura Romana is not to create a list of rules for what thou may and may not eat, but rather to make you more aware of the impact each food has on your system. If I know that chips make me bloat, for example, I can choose to indulge occasionally knowing that the result will be a bloat. Or I can choose to eat something lighter, and pinch one or two of my husband's chips to get a taste.
I'm still struggling to rest as much as I should be. It doesn't help that this week seems to have a busy schedule in store for me, following on from a busy weekend. I just seem to be incapable of taking time to chill out and relax and, interestingly, that is starting to really annoy me now. I just want to put all of my commitments on hold so that I can spend an hour lying on the sofa listening to plinky plonky music. Or maybe head over to the "spa" at Larkfield Leisure Centre to have a dip in the jacuzzi and a quick sauna. Hmm, that sounds nice. I've never really been annoyed by not being able to take time to relax before, just tired. It does explain how I've managed to wind up with a fatigue deficit quite as large as I have!
It probably doesn't help that I've signed up to NaNoWriMo, or National Novel Writing Month. It's a challenge that requires participants to write a novel (or at least 50,000 words thereof) over the course of November. It's going to be tricky, and will probably be keeping me very busy, but it will be something different, interesting and potentially rather cathartic to do. It also keeps my stuck on the sofa behind my laptop, which is a good place to get some rest. So now, as well as keeping you posted on the progress of my weight loss, I will be keeping you posted on the progress of my novel. It sounds like a fun month.
But at least I'm not trying to take part in Movember.
Monday, 24 October 2011
Day 10.
Well, Day 10 has arrived and I am now into double figures. It's been an emotional rollercoaster this far, and the next couple of days look set to be even more rocky. Especially if I don't stop having dreams about eating forbidden foods by accident.
I've been a bit down over the last few days. One of the effects of the Cura Romana diet is to purge the system of artificial stimulants, such as sugar and chocolate (I should know better, I know), which had been keeping my heart rate high. As all of the toxicity and stimulation is slowly leaving my body my resting heart rate has dropped from 73bpm to a much more healthy 56bpm. The effect of this is that I feel a bit down. But as my detoxing phase is slowing (and with it the scarily fast weightloss), my body should be starting to adjust to the new regime. No chocolate. Check. Lower heart rate. Check. Normal level of toxins. Getting there.
During this period of low mood, I've been rather handful. I've had to lean on my husband quite hard for emotional support, as well as being absolutely useless due to working through my fatigue deficit. Even the rabbit has wanted very little to do with me. He came up for a good old sniff at one point, but I later realised that was because I'd been chopping celery and was smelling a bit like lunch to him. I had wondered why he get going up my sleeve. He's warming to me again a little now, but I think he's still suspicious of the changes that are taking place inside my body.
I'm still feeling quite low, but now the miserable phase seems to be interspersed with periods of actually feeling quite chipper and positive. This is a relief. One thing that has really helped me has been to make a Bliss List. I sat quietly for a while and made a list of all of the things that make me feel completely blissed out. Not a little bit happy, like the feeling I get when I realise there is a new episode of House on the Sky+ box, but properly blissed out. Now that I've identified a few, I need to do one every day.
Some of the items on my Bliss List are easy to incorporate into a daily routine, such as finishing an assignment in whatever course I am studying at the moment, or getting so engrossed in a book I sit down and read for the whole evening because I can't bear to go to bed without knowing how it ends. Some of them are less easy. For example, I would be hard pushed to take an hour out of my life to sit in the sun (or just out of the sun) in lightweight clothing with a good book today. At least, not without turning blue and feeling thoroughly unblissed.
Looking down my list I see that the word 'Christmas' appears repeatedly. It's a little bit early to go looking at trees, or walk around a shopping centre with their decorations up, so I've decided to have a little bliss moment by playing some of my favourite Christmas tunes while I write my blog. I'm not going to name any - that would be far too shameful - but the whole ensemble is making me want to cry with happiness.
And that's how I know I've reached my bliss.
I've been a bit down over the last few days. One of the effects of the Cura Romana diet is to purge the system of artificial stimulants, such as sugar and chocolate (I should know better, I know), which had been keeping my heart rate high. As all of the toxicity and stimulation is slowly leaving my body my resting heart rate has dropped from 73bpm to a much more healthy 56bpm. The effect of this is that I feel a bit down. But as my detoxing phase is slowing (and with it the scarily fast weightloss), my body should be starting to adjust to the new regime. No chocolate. Check. Lower heart rate. Check. Normal level of toxins. Getting there.
During this period of low mood, I've been rather handful. I've had to lean on my husband quite hard for emotional support, as well as being absolutely useless due to working through my fatigue deficit. Even the rabbit has wanted very little to do with me. He came up for a good old sniff at one point, but I later realised that was because I'd been chopping celery and was smelling a bit like lunch to him. I had wondered why he get going up my sleeve. He's warming to me again a little now, but I think he's still suspicious of the changes that are taking place inside my body.
I'm still feeling quite low, but now the miserable phase seems to be interspersed with periods of actually feeling quite chipper and positive. This is a relief. One thing that has really helped me has been to make a Bliss List. I sat quietly for a while and made a list of all of the things that make me feel completely blissed out. Not a little bit happy, like the feeling I get when I realise there is a new episode of House on the Sky+ box, but properly blissed out. Now that I've identified a few, I need to do one every day.
Some of the items on my Bliss List are easy to incorporate into a daily routine, such as finishing an assignment in whatever course I am studying at the moment, or getting so engrossed in a book I sit down and read for the whole evening because I can't bear to go to bed without knowing how it ends. Some of them are less easy. For example, I would be hard pushed to take an hour out of my life to sit in the sun (or just out of the sun) in lightweight clothing with a good book today. At least, not without turning blue and feeling thoroughly unblissed.
Looking down my list I see that the word 'Christmas' appears repeatedly. It's a little bit early to go looking at trees, or walk around a shopping centre with their decorations up, so I've decided to have a little bliss moment by playing some of my favourite Christmas tunes while I write my blog. I'm not going to name any - that would be far too shameful - but the whole ensemble is making me want to cry with happiness.
And that's how I know I've reached my bliss.
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